March came in like a lion

Well somehow we made it through March, though i didn't see how it was possible a month ago. My life has been consumed with getting through each day. I got the PICC line at the beginning of March. However, the TPN and IV zofran wasn't the miracle I was hoping for, though I know I'd feel so much worse without it. But the nausea had gotten progressively worse, and I got to a point that I wasn't keeping anything down again, so I gave up and just stopped eating. Which actually made me feel a bit better- hunger pain is easier to deal with that stomach pain from constant vomiting. About mid-March we saw the perinatologist, I told him that I had stopped eating and he said, "don't even bother, it's a losing battle!" So that made me lose the guilt I was feeling about giving up on food, cause I felt like I should still be trying to eat. (Keep in mind the TPN provides me with calories, fats, proteins, vitamins and minerals, etc straight into the bloodstream, so my body is getting nutrition, just not in an ideal form. I get labs drawn 1-2x/week so that the pharmacist can mix up just the right balance for my specific needs.) Anyhow, the perinatologist added a medication to decrease the stomach acid and that has really helped and cut down the frequency of having my head in a toilet. So I focused on trying to eat popcicles or drink a little slushie or soda as a way of trying to get a little more calories or liquids in me. The past couple days I have been trying out very small amounts of solids, with some success. Though pretty sure I need to eat more than 1/4 cup a day to get off the TPN. So it will be baby steps, but I am counting on April giving me some improvement as I near the magical 20 week mark where the hormones change and then maybe I can have a life back.

The good news is that this baby looks as healthy as can be. We had a very extensive ultrasound done that measured every part of the baby and me and all looks good. We got some great pictures of baby sucking its thumb which I thought was pretty cool at 13 weeks. We got a pretty good idea of what the gender is, but will probably wait for another ultrasound before we announce.
(Jacob was pretty sure the baby was falling in a hole in this pic, I assured him the baby is in a safe place, it's just dark there.)

Jacob managed to turn 4, but somehow I didn't get any pictures of his party, just some video. I love him dearly. He cracks me up with how is brain works and how expressive he can be in his manner and intonation. He is still my blond giant, but sometimes when he is sleeping I just see that little newborn face and all his innocence.

Michael is learning patience I think, with having me out of commission. He will come find me several times a day and give me a hug and a kiss and tell me he loves me. I tell him I'm sorry I'm sick, but I will be better when the baby is out and then we can have more fun. He assures me that I am still a little bit fun.

Mark is my best friend and sometimes I think this has been harder on him than on the kids. I miss having fun with him, 'cause nothing is very fun right now. Whenever he can he preps my meds and TPN bag for me, tries to make me comfortable. His work and sleep schedule makes it a little more challenging. But we have made it through 8 weeks of this, so we should start seeing some improvements soon, since I am 16 weeks now. At least that is the plan!

So March came in like a lion, and goes out like a...somewhat less angry lion.